wat bout pragnant strippers??
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
