he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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