You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
