When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
