Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
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