Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
