she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize