and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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