actually, I'm a sock model
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
