I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
