Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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