Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
that's an acceptable place to lick
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
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The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
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I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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