Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
