cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
