Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
