I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
