I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
