You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
