Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
