I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
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I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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