so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
