I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Randomize
