Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
