I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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