im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
