This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
