Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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