I got chris browned last night
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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