you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
