the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
