Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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