I think I died a long time ago.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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