My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
