you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
