She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he was CRYING into my vagina
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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