After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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