If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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