stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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