Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
