nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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