Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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