one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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