you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
