I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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