she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
