highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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