you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
