My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
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