..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
We need to rekindle our bromance
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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