Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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