I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
