I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
