did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize