There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
