I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I love black thongs
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
the day after is always just damage control
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Randomize
