covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize