Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
