Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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