guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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