so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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