I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
