im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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