My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
