No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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