I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
