she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
